A Poetic Rendezvous

My thoughts on love and commitment…

Obviously I can’t sleep, as usual. It just got me thinking. Is love really that overrated and overestimated? I mean, people ever-so-often say that “love conquers all” and “Love until it hurts and love some more”. Let me see them say that in times of infidelity, loss and heartache. Lets hear them shout it out and profess their all powerful mantra of love. What is it really that sets this, ‘idea’ of ‘love’, apart from any aspect or principle in our lives that can really breach all boundaries?

I then must ask: What is Love really? Is it just emotion? Will it stand alone and bear all the bludgeoning of relationships and life?

Well, in a nutshell, I believe that love is not a mere feeling. Yes, ‘falling in-love’ — that is the  one we are referring to, as the feeling. Don’t get me wrong. The falling-in is not bad. I’m not against it rather, I’m for it. Its because of this that the act of loving begins. Although this might have a couple of danger zones (which I will be breezing through in a moment).

Falling in-love is the vehicle that opens new horizons for us. We get to have the inkling to reach for the other and try to discover what life is — knowing them.

Ok, then on goes dating, courtship… yadda-yadda.

You then get together. Both discover how beautiful and fulfilling life is when you are together. You then start thinking, “Will this last?” “Is there such a thing as forever?” Well of course you think of things like that. Don’t tell me that you non-mushy people ever felt it. Note: I referred to it as a feeling.

So here you are wondering and at the same time enjoying every sweet moment of serenity. Until — one falls out of love. Yes. You fell in-love, you can fall-out-of-love. Painful thought, but its one irrefutable fact of life. The question here is, What now?

Commitment. Yes the big C. The thing that binds us all morally (at the very least) is that. When we commit to something, assuming that we understand its true nature, we are bound by it. Its a covenant that is shared. This is especially, but not exclusively, in couples.

Marriage in a very convenient example. We all know what its about. ‘Till death do us part thing… ok. You can say that your just together and not yet married.

In my vantage point, it is no different from the real thing. A relationship is as such and maybe more but definitely nothing less. There are constraints of course, like some acts exclusively for marriage. Scrap the catholic boy thing. Yes. They are the same, commitment wise.

You devote yourself to one another exclusively. Being two complete individuals, as different beings, sharing one life/life’s goal. Mind you, you don’t sustain each other but you help each other grow together towards your mutual goal, and sharing mutual values.

A relationship is no different from marriage because it is a relationship itself. The obvious dissimilarity is that in marriage, there is a contract. Your boyfriend-girlfriend relationship does not, or does it? Come on, assuming that you are already in a serious relationship for years, wouldn’t it at least mean that your going to the next step? If not, what’s the point? (Ok, going back to my main topic.)

How is it done? Like most things, they are easily said than done.

Commitment entails the act of loving. Love. here, is an active effortful choice. (This actually, in a non-academic stand point can be loosely interchanged. With the act of love as the means of commitment).

Unlike the common misconception that this love is a perpetual fountain, ever-flowing to sustain one another… even to the point of saying “I can love for the both of us.” NO!

Love is as finite as the waves that die. Though they might break once they reach the shore, they still ‘effortfully’ reach the shore in their multitude, seemingly endless. And they are endless, with commitment. Once you commit to your love, and you choose to love, then although it is effortful and finite, the love here will be just as certain as the dawn.

No matter what hardships you encounter, whatever trials you undergo, you will get through them unshaken and unscathed. For you know what love really is and what a commitment is all about.

Notes:
- You won’t get into that mess if you already both understand what it really means to have a commitment.
- No, love is not the answer to all. As you might have noticed, there are several assumptions in this log that suggests pre-requisites. Some of them are: both share the same values or at least similar or they are striving to share them, both understand the meaning of having a relationship and everything that entails in having one, both are COMPLETELY SURE that they WANT TO HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP.
- Some notes to follow, when I remember them.

When I said, "In a nutshell." I was referring to a big nut. Mala-coconut!

Feeling my way through the darkness.
Out of nothing I feel your love
Remebering how it was to be with you
Every moment I held so dear
Visions of you in my life I cling on to
Escaping for this abyss I long for
Resting not until I find my way back

Yesterday is but a memory, yet so real
Only the love you have for me I hold so dear
Unending love for you I offer. I love you still.

I don't know who to trust, no surpriseEveryone feels so far away from meHeavy thoughts sift through dust and the lies

Trying not to break but I'm so tired of this deceitEvery time I try to make myself get back upon my feetAll I ever think about is thisAll the tiring time betweenAnd how trying to put my trust in youJust takes so much out of me

Take everything from the insideAnd throw it all away'Cause I swear for the last timeI won't trust myself with you

Tension is building inside steadilyeveryone feels so far away from meHeavy thoughts forcing their way out of me

Trying not to break but I'm so tired of this deceitEvery time I try to make myself get back up on my feetAll I ever think about is this All the tiring time betweenAnd how trying to put my trust in youJust takes so much out of me

Take everything from the insideAnd throw it all away'Cause I swear for the last timeI won't trust myself with you

I won't waste myself on youYou, youWaste myself on youYou, you

I'll take everything from the insideAnd throw it all away'Cause I swear for the last timeI won't trust myself with you

Everything from the insideAnd just throw it all away'Cause I swear for the last timeI won't trust myself with youYou, you

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I know this is pretty much full of angst. Its not thatI have a lot of it, but at one point I feel that I have a lot inside methat has been trying to burst out in the open and just reek havoc. No. This is not who I am. 

I'll just leave this with Linkin Park's words. I guess this is my way of letting things out. Maybe I'm not yet ready to take me words and make something of them.

Moving on...  Yet still looking back.

Looking forward to a dream of a wonderful future... but not yet.

Re Posted from : En Cuerpo Y Alma

Romans 12:15
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

Saul was the King of Israel. David was in Saul’s army and beginning to build a reputation as a great warrior. One day when David came back from a battle, the women danced and sang: " ‘Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands’ " (1 Sam. 18:7).   

Saul was very angry; this refrain galled him. "They have credited David with tens of thousands," he thought, "but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom?" (1 Samuel 18:8)   

This statement caused something to snap in King Saul. From this point on, Saul was never the leader God intended him to be. He allowed insecurity to drive his every decision. Insecurity leads to the need to control people and circumstances. The need to control leads to anger once we realize we are unable to control the circumstance. King Saul could not accept, much less rejoice, over David’s success. David’s life would never be the same, because Saul sought to kill David every chance he had. Saul had a choice; he could have seen David as an up-and-coming general in his army who could have become an important part of his team and made the kingdom of Israel even stronger. Instead, he looked at him as a threat.   

When you hear good news about fellow workers or associates, do you rejoice with them? If you find yourself comparing your life’s circumstances to others and don’t feel you measure up, recognize that this is one of satan’s greatest ploys to destroy you.   

Christ has given you all things in Him. He has a unique plan for you that cannot be compared to another. He alone is your security. Trust in the purposes He has for your life. And remember, "My God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus" (Phil. 4:19 KJV).

The bright sun shines down upon me
As I look towards the sapphire sky.
Clouds greet me with their cool smiles
Amidst the warm embrace of the sun

In a moment, I see them
Fleeting away from me
The wind blows hard on my back
Pushing me away

Floating in air I wonder about my life
I think of the people I loved
I remember the moments that pass me by
Freeing myself of the last teardrop in my eye.

The wind blows harder
Picking up speed
I hear nothing but silence
Everything around me falls silent

I hear only my heart beat
Its beating echoes my thought’s whisper
A voice that speaks of regret, sorrow
A love that is lost

The light is gone
All is silent.
I sense nothing.
I am nothing.

How deep can you cut?
I asked you.

How long can I last?
I asked myself.

So many questions I have…
Answers I have none.

All that’s left is a bleeding wound
A blood soaked knife

Plunged to my chest…
I am left for dead.

Love, I ask you now..
Can you bring me to life?

Love only answered…
I am only here when you fall

I am only here when you care
I am only here when you choose me

Its not my job to catch you
Its not my job to heal you

Its not my job to pick you up
Its not my job to bring you to life

It is you who picks yourself up.
It is you who finds someone to catch you

It is you who will stitch you up.
It is you who heals yourself.

I am only but a choice that you make.
I am here for you… IF YOU CHOOSE TO.

Waking, I open my eyes
Breathing, I gasp for air
Standing, I lift myself

I look around at an empty room.
I see all but none.
Alone, I realize I am.
Awake, yet dreaming of…

Searching, I look at nothing
Thinking, I ponder of nothing
Knowing, I know nothing

I walk around and all I see is you not here.
I touch the sheets and I remember you beside me
I smell the pillows and your scent lingers still.
I look at the mirror and still see you beside me.

Wishing, I long for you.
Hoping, I pray for us.
Loving, only you I shall.

THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
source: the manila times
by: mark j. macapagal

in
your life, you’ll make note of a lot of people. ones with whom you
shared something special, ones who will always mean something. there’s
the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost
your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you’re
with… and the one that got away.

who is the one that got
away? i guess it’s that person with who everything was great,
everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. there was no
fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards
just didn’t fall the right way, i suppose. i believe in the fact that
ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not
lie merely in the other person. i can actually argue that an equal
part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of
timing. it has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to
someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.
how often have you gone through it without even realizing it? when
you’re not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn’t matter who
you’re with, it just doesn’t work. small problems become big;
inconsequentials become deal breakers simply because you’re not ready
and it shows. it’s not that you and the person you’re with are no good;
it’s just that it’s not yet right, and little things become the
flashpoint of that fact…

then one day you’re ready. you
really are. and when this happens you’ll be ready to settle down with
someone. he or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the
brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it’ll
work because you’re ready. it’ll work because it’s the right time and
you’ll make it work. and it’ll make sense, it really will.

so
that day comes when you’re finally making sense of things, and you find
yourself to be a different person. things are different, your approach
is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and
you’ve become ready because the time has truly arrived. and mind you,
there’s no telling when this day will come. hopefully you’re single but
you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with
three kids, it doesn’t matter. all you know is that you’ve changed, and
for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think
about.

you’ll think about them because you’ll wonder, "what if
they were here today?" you’ll wonder, "what if we were together now,
with me as i am and not as i was?" that’s what the one that got away
is, the biggest "what if?" you’ll have in your life. if you’re married,
you’ll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got
away. believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is,
this can happen to the best of us.

but hopefully you’re mature
enough to realize that you’re already with the one you’re with and this
is just another test of your commitment, one that will just strengthen
your marriage when you get past it. sure, you’ll think about him/her
every so often, but it’s alright. it’s never nice to live with a "might
have been," but it happens… maybe the one that got away is the one
who’s already married. in which case it’s the same thing. you just have
to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably
bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you’re old
and gray and reminiscing. but if neither of that is the case, then it’s
different. what do you do if it’s not yet too late? simple… find him,
find her. because the very existence of a "one that got away" means
that you’ll always wonder, what if you got that one? ask him out to
coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn’t matter if you’ve dropped in
from out of nowhere. you’d be surprised, you just might be "the one
that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got
away." you might drop in from out of nowhere and it won’t make a
difference. if the timing is finally right, it’ll all just fall into
place somehow and you know, I’m thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "hey you, you’re the one that almost got away."

**************************

Lets journey through life.. and see what it has to offer us. We might be surprised to find what pleasantries await us. Someday… we’ll be get there. Just hold on to what we believe in. Love.